The night before I began my experiment, I reread Emerson’s friendship essay. I went through it slowly, trying to extract the ideals that I would attempt to live by the next day. Here is what I found and how I tried to live by his words as an Emersonian friend:
“In poetry and in common speech the emotions of benevolence and complacency which are felt towards others are likened to the material effects of fire; so swift, or much more swift, more active, more cheering, are these fine inward irradiations.” I believe that within the above quote, Emerson was trying to describe the ability of one kind action to affect many, sort of like a chain-reaction. It reminded me of a poem that I had heard a long time ago:
Smiling is infectious
You catch it like the flu
When someone smiled at me today
I started smiling too
I walked around the corner
And someone saw me grin
When he smiled I realized
I had passed it on to him
I thought about that smile
And then realized its worth
A single smile just like mine
Could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin
Don't leave it undetected
Let’s start an epidemic quick
And get the world infected!
So throughout the day I tried to just smile at everyone I saw, and I said hi to more people in the hallways and on the terrace than I have ever said hi to before. We go to such a small school where almost every face is familiar, and I realized that it’s a shame we don’t acknowledge each other more often. I hope it made people feel good inside (not creeped out because this strange girl that they don’t really know said hi to them) because I know it made me feel happy by smiling at everyone I saw!
Another Emerson ideal that I tried to live by for a day was his quote, “the only way to have a friend is to be one.” I tried to be the best friend that I could, starting first thing in the morning. One of my best friends had been sick the day before, so as soon as I got to school I went up and hugged her and asked her how she was feeling and if there was anything that I could do to help her out from missing a day of school. Then my other friend was having a bad day, and she is kind of slightly obsessed with pop tarts. So I went and bought her a package of them from the vending machine on the terrace. These were just small actions, but I tried to show my friends that I was grateful for them and that I would always be around to help them out.
One more Emerson ideal that I tried to live by was that, “The essence of friendship is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust.” “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” This quote was by far the hardest to live by. I tried to be completely honest all day and I had no “filter,” which in some ways was a good thing and in other ways it was slightly embarrassing. But I found that the more I opened up and was completely truthful, the more my friends opened up to me. And by showing that I trusted them, their trust in me grew simultaneously, and our friendship was strengthened.
Overall, I enjoyed being an Emersonian friend, and I’m going to try to live more like one every day. I hope that my friends gained from it as much as I did! :)
“In poetry and in common speech the emotions of benevolence and complacency which are felt towards others are likened to the material effects of fire; so swift, or much more swift, more active, more cheering, are these fine inward irradiations.” I believe that within the above quote, Emerson was trying to describe the ability of one kind action to affect many, sort of like a chain-reaction. It reminded me of a poem that I had heard a long time ago:
Smiling is infectious
You catch it like the flu
When someone smiled at me today
I started smiling too
I walked around the corner
And someone saw me grin
When he smiled I realized
I had passed it on to him
I thought about that smile
And then realized its worth
A single smile just like mine
Could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin
Don't leave it undetected
Let’s start an epidemic quick
And get the world infected!
So throughout the day I tried to just smile at everyone I saw, and I said hi to more people in the hallways and on the terrace than I have ever said hi to before. We go to such a small school where almost every face is familiar, and I realized that it’s a shame we don’t acknowledge each other more often. I hope it made people feel good inside (not creeped out because this strange girl that they don’t really know said hi to them) because I know it made me feel happy by smiling at everyone I saw!
Another Emerson ideal that I tried to live by for a day was his quote, “the only way to have a friend is to be one.” I tried to be the best friend that I could, starting first thing in the morning. One of my best friends had been sick the day before, so as soon as I got to school I went up and hugged her and asked her how she was feeling and if there was anything that I could do to help her out from missing a day of school. Then my other friend was having a bad day, and she is kind of slightly obsessed with pop tarts. So I went and bought her a package of them from the vending machine on the terrace. These were just small actions, but I tried to show my friends that I was grateful for them and that I would always be around to help them out.
One more Emerson ideal that I tried to live by was that, “The essence of friendship is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust.” “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” This quote was by far the hardest to live by. I tried to be completely honest all day and I had no “filter,” which in some ways was a good thing and in other ways it was slightly embarrassing. But I found that the more I opened up and was completely truthful, the more my friends opened up to me. And by showing that I trusted them, their trust in me grew simultaneously, and our friendship was strengthened.
Overall, I enjoyed being an Emersonian friend, and I’m going to try to live more like one every day. I hope that my friends gained from it as much as I did! :)
4 comments:
Your friendship experience has many characteristics in common with mine. I commend the effort you put into maintaining your relationships with your current friends by hugging your sick friend, for example. Similarly, my relationships with my friends have changed for the better over the years due to either careful maintenance or frequent interaction. Conversely, the relationships that I have not maintained on a frequent basis have weakened.
I also agree with the difficulty of being completely honest and open with one’s friends. There are things about me that I simply must keep secret from everyone I know, even my best friends. Also, sometimes it is difficult to be completely honest with one’s friends out of fear of insulting them. For example, when my friends comment on the projects that I do, including my two board games, I must realize that although they always try to be extremely honest, it is impossible to be absolutely honest out of fear of insulting that friend. However, during my friend experiment, I notice my openness with my friends as I told them about activities that I do that I have never told them about before. I can often be a secretive person, and I realized how hard it can be to spill the truth to one’s friends.
Your idea of a chain reaction is interesting. During my experiment, I did not try as much as you did to be interactive with people I did not already know. It is important, though, to be interactive and cordial with the people you do not know, as some of those people could potentially become your best “Emersonian” friends later on.
I had a very similar experience to yours.
In my experiment, I also hoped to spread my happiness to those around me, just by smiling, greeting, hugging people. What really caused me to do this was a study I read about that showed happiness was contagious to three degrees, that you could influence friends of friends of friends. It takes such a small amount of effort on your part, and it's amazing how many people you can affect and what a difference that can sometimes make. When I'm having a bad day, a simple smile or "hi" really does make me feel better, even if its just knowing that someone else is having a good day. People really do appreciate it.
I also realized the effect being open to your friends can have on your relationship, allowing you to learn more about each other and better understand each other.
I must admit, i am very impresed with your experiment. You seemed to have been very sucessful=)) Your blog and experiment was very through and detailed. Im my experiment, i also tried to be the friend that the person could say anything to, and to be a really real friend. I however, found it hard to be that kind of friend. I was very inspired by your blog, and your experiment. It is one of my goals to be the best friend i can possibly be!!
I am highly impressed with your experiment and I agree with many of the observations you have made regarding your different actions towards those around you. I also experienced the difficulty of being an open and honest friend. I think it is just really tough sometimes to say what you really think to people because a lot of the time it is something they don't want to hear.
Waving to people in the hallways was another interesting part of your experiment. I wish you had written a little more about some of the reactions you received from the random people, or at least slightly random people, that you waved at throughout the course of the day.
The thing I agree with you the most on, however, is the use of affection towards our friends. How can we truly be good friends if we don't express our emotions to our friends? Affection and hugging I think are more important to a friendship than most things, and I thought it was a good thing that you included this aspect of relationships into your experiment! Great Job!
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