The Friendship Experiment

The night before I began my experiment, I reread Emerson’s friendship essay. I went through it slowly, trying to extract the ideals that I would attempt to live by the next day. Here is what I found and how I tried to live by his words as an Emersonian friend:

“In poetry and in common speech the emotions of benevolence and complacency which are felt towards others are likened to the material effects of fire; so swift, or much more swift, more active, more cheering, are these fine inward irradiations.” I believe that within the above quote, Emerson was trying to describe the ability of one kind action to affect many, sort of like a chain-reaction. It reminded me of a poem that I had heard a long time ago:

Smiling is infectious
You catch it like the flu
When someone smiled at me today
I started smiling too
I walked around the corner
And someone saw me grin
When he smiled I realized
I had passed it on to him
I thought about that smile
And then realized its worth
A single smile just like mine
Could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin
Don't leave it undetected
Let’s start an epidemic quick
And get the world infected!

So throughout the day I tried to just smile at everyone I saw, and I said hi to more people in the hallways and on the terrace than I have ever said hi to before. We go to such a small school where almost every face is familiar, and I realized that it’s a shame we don’t acknowledge each other more often. I hope it made people feel good inside (not creeped out because this strange girl that they don’t really know said hi to them) because I know it made me feel happy by smiling at everyone I saw!

Another Emerson ideal that I tried to live by for a day was his quote, “the only way to have a friend is to be one.” I tried to be the best friend that I could, starting first thing in the morning. One of my best friends had been sick the day before, so as soon as I got to school I went up and hugged her and asked her how she was feeling and if there was anything that I could do to help her out from missing a day of school. Then my other friend was having a bad day, and she is kind of slightly obsessed with pop tarts. So I went and bought her a package of them from the vending machine on the terrace. These were just small actions, but I tried to show my friends that I was grateful for them and that I would always be around to help them out.

One more Emerson ideal that I tried to live by was that, “The essence of friendship is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust.” “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” This quote was by far the hardest to live by. I tried to be completely honest all day and I had no “filter,” which in some ways was a good thing and in other ways it was slightly embarrassing. But I found that the more I opened up and was completely truthful, the more my friends opened up to me. And by showing that I trusted them, their trust in me grew simultaneously, and our friendship was strengthened.

Overall, I enjoyed being an Emersonian friend, and I’m going to try to live more like one every day. I hope that my friends gained from it as much as I did! :)

My Nature Experiment

I’ve always been the type of person who enjoys being surrounded by nature. Nature offers me an escape from the stress, expectations, and deadlines that constantly plague my life. It gives me a chance to be myself, without all of the pressures that go along with being a teenager in the twenty-first century. During the summers, I go on a house boating trip with my neighbors and we bring no clocks, TVs, cell phones, laptops, or any other electronics, and the natural beauty that surrounds us is incredibly refreshing. I can’t imagine my life without that trip to rejuvenate me after a long school year. When I’m out on the lake, the biggest decision I have to make is deciding if I feel like going wake boarding, reading a book, or playing a board game with my friends. It’s amazingly liberating. As Emerson said, “To the body and mind which have been cramped by noxious work or company, nature is medicinal and restores their tone.”

Yet although I’ve always acknowledged the rejuvenating qualities of nature, it is so easy to forget as soon as things get hectic. With school and dance class and homework and SAT prep, life gets busy and we rarely have the opportunity to get back to nature and by doing so, get back to ourselves. Sometimes I need a little “me” time to think about things, and nature readily provides the perfect atmosphere.

So tonight, I decided to take my dog on a long walk to spend some time with nature. I live in Scripps Ranch, and I usually just walk along the sidewalk around the block, but I felt like that wouldn’t really give me the connection with nature that I was looking for. Scripps Ranch borders the Miramar Military Base, which mostly consists of open land, left to itself to grow natural San Diego brush. So I walked up the hill to the end of a cul-de-sac and instead of just admiring the open expanse of land that is the military base, I walked right into it, which is something I’ve never actually done before (it might even be illegal!). I found a little path through the brush and my little malti-poo and I hiked away from all the houses to the very top of the hill. It was only about a five minute walk, but when I got there, what I saw took my breath away. It was sunset, and the clouds on the horizon were on fire with the light of the setting sun. I was facing west, but I couldn’t actually see the sun because there was a fog bank on the coast. The cold breeze blew my hair and I actually found myself taking in big, deep, breaths as I tried to take in the serenity of it all.

I sat down in the dirt and paused to reflect and think. I thought about the challenges and conflicts I am currently facing in my life along with the areas of my life that I believe are going pretty well. My thoughts wandered, but there was one main conflict that I kept going back to again and again. I was stuck, wrestling with the idea of joining a sports team with two of my best friends. I had never played before, and there was a long story as to why I was even considering this leap that would take me so far from my comfort zone, but I kind of wanted take the leap and see where it would take me! I thought about what I had to gain and what I had to lose by trying or not trying, and the cold air cleared my head as I pondered this crazy idea. And in the end, I decided that I would go to the practice on Monday and give it a try. I didn’t have much to lose, and the peaceful environment gave me a new found sense of confidence and spontaneity.

Emerson states, “Nature always wears the colors of the spirit,” and I couldn’t agree more. Nature allows you to be yourself, and whatever emotion you are feeling, nature will go along with. I felt like taking a leap, and the cool air and vibrant colors of the sunset matched my mood, and inspired me to go for it. I’m not sure exactly how long I was out there, sitting in the dirt on the Miramar Base, but it was after dark when I finally stood up and brushed myself off. Nature creates an environment where it is so easy to lose contact with reality and time as you become fully absorbed in your own thoughts.

The Rules & Regulations to Gift Giving

According to Emerson, a gift is not an acceptable gift unless it is handcrafted as a representation of yourself and your talents. A personal gift that reflects the relationship between the gift-giver and the gift-receiver, whether it is thought out or spontaneous, is the best type of gift. Some of my favorite gifts that I have received or given were just small objects, but it was the fact that the person was thinking of me specifically when they bought/created it. For example, as anyone who is my close friend knows, I have been complaining FOREVER about not having a car. I have one now :) but that's another story. Anyway, one of my best friends was at Powell's candy store and she bought me a miniature, tiny, sponge-type thing that was in the shape of a car. The package said: "Be the envy of your friends with this Grow Your Own Sports Car! Simply place in water and within 2 hours it will start to grow reaching up to 600% its original size. Just look at the features; Never runs out of gas, No speed limit, No repair bills, Environmentally friendly, Won't dent or scratch." Although it was small, it really made my day and made me feel incredibly loved! I think that this is one of the best types of gifts: when someone is out and about and they see something that makes them think of you and they get it for you! One of my favorite gifts that I've ever given someone was a personalized scrapbook. I put a ton of time and effort into it, and I think it really showed that person how much they meant to me. When gifts are thoughtful, I believe that they really show the strength of a relationship.

Emerson also comments that to receive a gift well, one must neither be excited nor disappointed. Most people would agree that you should never show disappointment in a gift, but Emerson adds that you shouldn't be overexcited either, because that means that you love the gift as a material object, instead of being appreciative of the giver. I'm not sure if I entirely agree with this statement, as I feel very appreciated when I give a gift and someone gets excited over it. I would much rather have them jump up and down in excitement than have a mild reaction.

Emerson also offers an abundant supply of social commentary and societal criticism as well. He criticizes those who give what is needed, for necessity creates an easy gifting opportunity that causes a gift to be given in almost a selfish way, because of the great satisfaction that the giver feels. Emerson also states "We ask the whole. Nothing less will content us. We arraign society if it does not give us, besides earth, and fire, and water, opportunity, love, reverence, and objects of veneration." He is saying that, as a society, we believe that everything should be provided to us. We become upset when we are left out when the hands of fate deal out good fortune. We believe we deserve to have everything. Yet, at the same time, we have an innate desire to be self-sustaining and independent. This leaves us at a conflict, and the only way to solve this is through justification of our receiving: we can receive anything from love. And indeed, love is the ultimate gift, the ultimate sign of devotion and sacrifice, and the ultimate giving of oneself.

“Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.”

Within the above quote, Emerson causes one to consider if ultimately society is beneficial or detrimental to our well being. We have created society, but at the same time, it creates us. We become locked into a system of customs and traditions that we can’t escape from, because to break away from the conformity would be considered a failure. We have formed society to have certain expectations of us, but to meet these expectations we often have to “half express ourselves” and compromise our identities. What is more important, being accepted by society or following your own path? In a way, it’s unfavorable to go against the grain, because to have the masses turn against you or even just turn their back on you can be a truly terrifying experience. It is human nature to crave company and acceptance, even if we are letting ourselves down by sacrificing our true identities to do so. It is one of the worst feelings imaginable to feel completely alone in the world, and what good is shining your light of personality if there is no one there to accept it.

Emerson elaborates on this idea, saying that “Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better security of his bread to the shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater.” In this sense, society is advantageous to the unstable population, for it provides structure and stability that promote safety and security. And to be completely honest, no man can truly flourish and show his/her true colors in an unsafe environment. So in a way society must be present to provide a setting in which man can break away from the conformity to express “the divine idea which each of us represents.” Paradoxically, we cannot demonstrate our true character within the boundaries of society, but at the same time, the stability that society provides is just as necessary to the process.

“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of a crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” Expansion on the topic of society vs. individuality further proves the point that the correct environment makes everything easier, as the nonconformist faces no opposition when he is alone and the member of society travels the easy road by conforming, but this doesn’t always lead to the desired outcome. We are constantly battling the conflict between our innate desire to be accepted by others and our craving to express our true character, and therefore the only happy solution is to fulfill both desires. And that is where true friendship comes in, because a best friend is the person who is “so real and equal that I may drop even the most undergarments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought…and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” Friendship and self-reliance are interconnected and dependent on one another, and to obtain satisfaction with yourself, you must find the place where both exist.